GBM4 and my life

The story continuing now. Tibor had a seizure in January and then our life changed at 180 degrees. After the lots of hospital days and seizures and nightmares, panic attacks, depression and hallucinations, the doctor said: "Tibor you have a GBM4grade Glioblastoma Multiform Grade 4, brain cancer... 

This cancer is a most aggressive and quick growing cancer ever. But we must to wait for the biopsy and after more 4 weeks for the treatment.
The oncologist said, he has 14/17 month to survive with the treatment but we hoped we have more than this time. But everything changed day by day. The radiotherapy and the chemo started June and now just a week left.
The chemo it's easy, because he has got a tablets, and he has not any side effects and symptoms. He has a good appetite. He gets tired quickly and sleeps a lot. Not much has changed in his behaviour, only a few things have come to the for and some things have been pushed into the background.
He is not very happy because he lost his job (bus driver) he cannot drive the car because his medications and he has a blind spot on left side of his vision.
But he is alive, and the doctor said, he do very well and the radiotherapy and the chemo helps because he is get better. 

I left my job and help for him at home, take him to the treatments, and anywhere who want to go and should to go. I being an uber eats driver in self employed status. 

This work is not to bad, but I must to swallow when the taxi drivers shouting me "fucking delivery drivers!" when I pick up the food from the restaurant on the busy road and I parking three minutes on their spots. But I swallow that, and sit in my car and drive away. I try to focus on my job and nothing else, no one else, but outside in the street is another world what I have got use to it.

But I learn quick and I smile behind my mask when the people think I do this job because it's easier than another one. I had lots of job and lots of experience, this is just another one. But this job good because I work when I have time early morning or late afternoon, evening... Tibor want to buy a bike and he wants to do the same. I worrying about him but I know I can not stop him, if he want to do, so do it. 

We bought a motorhome and we want to go around England and go to Scotland and Wales. I drive it and it's not easy because it's left hand drive ( I did not drive this side long long time ago) and the van is big and high for me, but I think few days and I can manage this. If it possible we can go in August and probably few weeks we are in holiday. I Hope will be alright. 

Tibor has an MRI in October and they check his brain, the cancer grow back or not. If it's back, the treatment start again if it's not grow back, he need to go back every third month and check again and again.

I'm very selfish because I think about myself if I have time and cry because this thing changed my life too, and I have not too much time for myself. I don't talk about about the hairdresser or any womanish thing... I want to some time alone, writing my short novels and my new book and just walk alone with the dog in the forest like before and don't think about future, and I want to take off the thousand stones from my shoulder... 

I know this is selfish, but this is MY blog and I can write here what I feel...

After life

After the lockdown, here start again the normal life. But not normal anymore. I fixed my bike and start to ride again. I'm very enjoyed the 1O km long trip day before yesterday. Our holiday come soon, but we have not any idea, where can we go. Our pocket is nearly empty, we can't go to abroad. From 6th of July the businesses start to open but the price is not changed. My daughter are at home, because the school and the Uni are closed. My middle daughter came back from South-Korea in March because the Uni ask them. That was a wrong decision, but what can she does? She has an online course every day from 1O to 14Pm. My smaller daughter missed her GCSE and Prom and very long time to stay at home. She is bored, and I'm not surprise. My books is online but nobody buy them. Who read it, love it.  I would like to write, but I'm waiting for the good time and the good story. Hope soon...

My english

My english:

I've got a message from NHS. They invited me a breast cancer test in November. I requested an of day in my workplace about that, because it's a morning. I talked about this with my colleague:
"... When I lived in Hungary, the breast cancer test always been together with a testical test..."
She looked at me strangely:
"...Don't you want to tell me something about you?"
"...Why?"
"...Because the ladyes has a cervical test, not  testical..."

Failed sailboat business

When we lived in Hungary, we had a sailboat on Balaton lake. We loved that. The kids were small.  We had lots of happy time on there. But, when we moved in UK, we sold that. My partner has a big dream,  we sail around the world, just two of us. We would like to buy a boat again. We haven't lot of money, but we have a loan in the bank. We can't save money, unfortunately. So, we have a loan and we will pay back it three years. My partner found a nice sailboat and he gave an offer on this, and the owner agreed with it. He was very happy, because his  dream come true, and he is one more step for the big adventure around the world. He had 9 days on shift in Stagecoach (because he's a bus driver) and he was very tired, but today woke up early and travelled on Plymouth, to try to the sailboat. The owner was there and they waited for the high tide, and finally it's came. He started the engine, and that was smoked and broken. The owner tomorrow go back to London, and who knows when he come back to the boat. My partner was very tired, sad and hopeless, because he had a plan, that tomorrow he bring our boat here  and we can watch the Red Arrows air show from the boat. Now he sit on the bus, and come back home, without boat.
It's so sad, I'm very sorry him. I hope, he find another boat soon...

1O years ago in Balaton, on our small sailboat

Two minutes in Hungary

That  two days was perfect. I had not any bad feeling, everyones was been smiley and kind with me. The fly was very nice and comfortable. I walked in the city of Budapest, the weather was lovely. I met some friends, and we talked about nice memories, I ate some special hungarian food, bought some special chocolates and Pálinka (for my english friend's birthday). I think, that was very quick but I enjoyed every single minutes. Here is some photos.

Happiness

I do happy, because I got a message an Facebook group who share lots of old pictures of our beautiful town. Few years ago I made two videos and I mixed old pictures with a new ones. That was very popular on the group and thousand people watched it. I was happy too that time. So, they wrote a message today night and ask, when do I a new video? They can't wait for it. I feel very good myself because I’m just a migrant here and they appreciated my creativity. This is a happiness, I think.
Here is the videos:

One moment of my job

Today was the first time, when I washed on  a died woman. 

She was in our Nhome a month.She had a cancer. Sometimes, when her room was in my section, talked with her. Very quiet woman was she. She has a big family who always came and visited her. Sometimes were been too much, because she couldn’t rest. Her body was very athletic. I asked her one day, has she had any sport in her lifetime. She said yes, she loved hockey. I very wondered, because hockey is not a womany sport. And she died today early morning. Her family came when we  recognised, she has a very bad condition, and half hour later she passed away. My colleague asked me and my friend, can we help her  wash the body and take a clean clothes on her. One of the moment was just there, when felt myself uncomfortable, when my collleague started talk to the death woman, like when we wash our patients. “So my sweetheart can you turn over please, I wash your back. Come back to the middle, please. We are finish in a minute” 

Just looked at my friend, and we don’t say anything. I survived.